Demons, Vincent Valentine and Love

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
-- Stephen King

Demons. We all have some, don't we? I most certainly I do. Some demons we keep at bay, we control them, or at least we think we do, so we keep them hidden, we feel safe. Others, they take charge from time to time, maybe we let them, maybe we like who we become when we let them free, or maybe we aren't strong enough to hold the leash forever. And some others, those we manage to vanquish, to defeat, and they're gone.

I've always considered myself a straight-up person, I don't go around with rubbish. If I don't like something, I say it, and it shows - a lot -; and the opposite also holds true. Needless to say, a lot of people don't like it. I've found more often than not that a certain degree of politeness implies exchanging pleasantries, not truths. But it is who I am, and at least it keeps me from getting caught in a lie. Which makes me, as you can guess, a terrible liar.

Funny thing, the only lie I can tell is when I say I'm allergic to something, particularly food. Truth be told, I don't - thankfully - have any allergies. But, mate, people are so annoying when you say you don't want to try something, or that you outright don't like it. "Don't say no if you haven't tried it", "But, have you tried it?", "This one's amazing, try it", dear, I swear, it's just easier to say you're allergic to something in it. Other than that, I'm a bloody open book, just maybe not one you'd want to read.

Another thing I've never been is greedy. Nothing is ever about the money for me, not my job, not my hobbies, not even my side projects. It's not like I have a lot, barely enough to get by, but I'm cool with that. And I've never wanted fame, I love you all so much, and it really makes my day when I get a comment about something I write here, but I'm not looking for millions of views, I'm happy with my couple hundreds on the really nice and cool stuff.

As you know, the blog has had ads for a while now, at first, it was a way of paying for the expenses I had running it, but, one of the very few benefits of living in this joke of a country of mine, is that domains are basically free, like, right now one dollar would get me 5 years of my domain - and 2 months ago, one dollar would've gotten me like 100 years, that's how fucked up the economy is -. And Blogger (Google), nicely hosts all the content, so... Yeah.

"What's the point, David?" I don't need the ads, I don't need the clicks, I don't need the views. This is not how I support myself. So, my point is, I'm the worst person ever. Or at least, for a while there, I was.

What happened. I tweeted a silly joke, meant to sound like something much bigger had happened, but without being a lie on it's own. E.g: "I'm so tired after last night...", maybe last night I went jogging and I'm bloody exhausted, but some people might read that and think I had crazy sex with a couple Russian hookers that peed on me. (Fuck you, Trump)

Thing is, I got so many comments about it that, well... I went from not denying it, to actually expanding the whole thing. I lied, I deceived. I enjoyed the amount of views my tweets and the subsequent posts got. I bloody enjoyed my 5 minutes of fame, and it was all rubbish. So, I created a demon. I ended up getting people involved that had nothing to do with it. And I ended up hurting people I really care about. What for? 30% more views than the average post? The fuck is wrong with me?

And I had fucked things up so many times lately... I think I need to stay away from some people, it's probably for the best, you know? I think they're better off without me. I think I was becoming a demon. So I decided to let them go. And it's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Vincent Valentine

I'm a geek, you know that. That's neither here, nor there. My favourite FF7 character is Vincent Valentine. While all the kids wanted to be Cloud - or Sephiroth, you evil weirdos -, I was absolutely in love with Mr. Valentine. Cloud is the main character, the protagonist, the hero, the one that gets the girl - well, the second option, Aerith does get impaled by Sephiroth right in front of him, spoilers! -, the one that overcomes the impossible foe, the one that heals up his mind, and still manages to save the world. Fuck you, Cloud, I don't want to be like you. Too much drama.

Vincent is, on the other hand, an optional character. You can complete your game and save the world and never play as Vincent. But there's so much to love him for: he also lost the love of his life and made some horrible mistakes in the past, so he's making up for that, if you choose to. Mr. Valentine is something you only get if you want to, it's not imposed upon you, he doesn't even show up in the final game ending scenes. Maybe he wasn't meant to be there at all. Plus, you know, he's super hot, cool and chilled. That's what I always wanted to be like.

By now you must be wondering why am I talking about some optional character from a game released 21 years ago. Maybe. Have I mentioned how cool he is? He's so cool he even got his own side-game! Aight, it's quite simple, mates, all I'm trying to say is that Vincent is facing his demons up front, and I too, am willing to do whatever it takes to make up for my mistakes. For me. To be a better version of me.

And, like so, ads are no longer present on the blog. It's not meant to make up for anything, it's a gesture to mark the start of this new journey. Plus, bright side, without ads I can actually work on improving the looks, which are sorely lacking, I know.


Love. I'm not going to go into too much detail here, just listen to this song, I can't put it any better.

That's it. I've been struggling to tell people why I've been so quiet lately, why I've been having issues getting my gigs done, why I get home with my hands bleeding after gym - specially when I'm just supposed to work on my legs for therapy. If you hit the punching bag enough time without gloves, it'll cut you -. And I guess I owe you all an answer, which comes as a sor of confession...

I didn't know how much I love her.

Oh, I'm also not even gonna lie about food allergies, even for coconut, which will end up with me politely eating those horrid cookies with shaved coconut on top. Disgusting.