December 24, 2017

Un Poco Loco

Game starts. Over the past few weeks you've been hearing others say all the odds are in your favor, that playing the match is merely a formality, that you've already won. Of course, you feel overly-confident. You attack with everything you've got, if it's so easy a game, better score fast and relax when it's a done deal. Nothing. The other teams scores on their first chance. Oh, boy, no big deal, this is already won, a silly happy mistake that everyone can make. You go back at it...

I can't tell how many days it's been since last I wrote something, at least something worth reading, at least not just some random scraps for an app, something real. So I figured I might as well try something new... You see, for me, writing requires a very specific environment. I need to be so overwhelmed in my head, and so unable to share my feelings or thoughts with others, that my only scape is angrily - or happily, excitedly, sadly, whatever - smashing keys on my keyboard. And, for a long while, I've always had something - or someone - else to dump those emotions into.

Un Poco Loco!!!


The first half is over, and you're losing, bad. Everyone obviously got it wrong, didn't they? Or was it your over-confidence? Or suddenly the other got better? It matters not, there's still as much time as it's passed to make things right, or is there? You're tired up already, and emotionally affected, but there's no quitting, no, that's for cowards. You go and face it, and hope for the best, even if you deserve the worst.

This has been a very odd year for me... I started working at my first stable serious office job, I've fallen in love, I've got heartbroken, I had the best date of my life, I've met amazing people, I've lost amazing people, I've made great friends and, most importantly, I've learned NOTHING. I keep making the same mistakes, I keep dreaming things are going to go my way, no matter how unlikely. And I keep getting hurt. And so in this particular time, this moment right here, I'm writing for my own selfish sake. The title? A song from "Coco" - really nice movie - it translates to "a little crazy", which is exactly the way I feel just about now.


En español...

2nd half starts, you're letting everyone down, you screwed up. No, there's time, there HAS to be time, you NEED this win, you'd do anything for it. Nothing. You're running out of ideas, out of strength, you feel like quitting. No, the game isn't over till' it's over. It looks impossible, it feels impossible, you know there's no time, and yet, in your heart, you just want to keep going, to do your best, if only not to have that regret. Or maybe, maybe you're just a little crazy.

And, I need a break, I need a win. I'd give anything for a win. ANYTHING. Cause it can't end like this, or rather, I can't let it end like this, can I? Mum raised no quitter... I'd pray to all the Gods, the old ones and the new; to Elune, to Ra; I'd dance naked under the rain, I'd sacrifice a goat to Odin and bathe in it's blood, I'd beg the light, I'd commute with the elements, I'd invoke the Loa, anything; if only I'd get a win while it still makes a little bit of sense, while it's not too late. 2017 isn't over yet. See? I'm un poco loco.

Lord Odin!!!
The game is almost over, time flew by, it's like someone stole time from you, you're losing by way too many goals, but until the time's ran out, there's a chance, right? At least, at the very least, let's score once, let's end this game with our face up. That's the right way, that's the only way you won't regret... Or does that just make us a bit crazier? Is it crazy to just want a little bit of happiness? To score once even if by trying that you let yourself open to a worse defeat? Is it worth it? Isn't it better to defend and wait for it to simply end?

And that's how I ended up writing on my blog on a December 24th, Christmas Eve. I'm playing a game I've already lost, but I still think that if I just can score once, just once, then maybe there's a shot. But, how much is it worth risking? Is it better to take a punch, or to risk not taking it but ending up taking a hundred? Would you regret taking the easy choice?

For you...

I don't know yet, I guess I'll leave it to fate. Whatever happens, happens, right? Crazy...

Oh, and, Happy Holidays, everyone!

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